why don't you get how this works, combination fried rice?

your legs and your backpack are taking up the entire four-seater section of the bus. THE ENTIRE SECTION. four people are supposed to be able to sit here, yet there's you and your bag and your whatevers, all wedged in. sharing is caring, asshat.

put a cork in it, red wine.

"just because you are obviously fruit forward and have an earthy undertone doesn't mean you have to be so uptight.  we know you got a little wet from the errant water balloon, but honestly, that's the risk you take when picnicking in dolores park.  there's no need to be an anise about it."

thank you to a couple of our readers for this great submission!

back off, super duper burger.

i'm driving slowly because i'm looking for a parking space, you piece of shit. i'm not driving like this for my health. that's why i'm waving you on with my arm out the window. i actually told you what i'm doing with my arm. stop honking and go around me.

get off me, chicken pot pie.

here's some news: bus floors aren't uneven. that bump you're feeling is my fucking foot and you're standing on it. holy eff.

that's so unnecessary, rocky road ice cream.

did you really look in your closet today and think it was a good idea to wear that? oh whoops, my bad. apparently you did.

i'm over you, chicken soft tacos.

just arbitrarily mentioning places you've been or things you're doing in the middle of a conversation about someone's vacation, doesn't actually add to the conversation. it just makes you seem like a moron.

get off your high horse, bucket of chicken.

oh my god, just because your boarding number is A3 and mine is C55 doesn't mean you have to run onto the plane and take the aisle seat and put your bag on the window seat "saving it for someone" and be a dick when i need to squeeze by you to get to the middle seat, because that's all that's left. you're still flying southwest. clearly you're not better than anyone.